How to Be More in Control Of Your Life By Setting Boundaries

What Are Boundaries?

Ah! The big B word that’s easy to say, harder to do.

Those who are on the journey of knowing and valuing themselves on deeper levels have likely practiced the art of setting boundaries. Similar to how it is defined in the Oxford dictionary, a boundary marks the limits of an area that a person can access physically. 

And when you apply that personally, boundaries can mean the mark that limits another person's access to you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. These boundaries allow you to reserve your mental or emotional peace, giving more power to yourself by disallowing the situation or whatever another person has said or has acted to trigger a reaction from you.

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Boundaries are important for the preservation of your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your time…I mean, the list goes on. It also allows you time to recollect or compose yourself after a certain event has triggered a reaction from you. In a way, it also tells people to respect the limit of closeness or intimacy they have with you.

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Types of Boundaries

Now there are actually different types of boundaries that you need to know about, and I’ll explain them in detail. The first is physical boundaries. 

What Are Physical Boundaries?

These are boundaries you’ve set that are related to your body. How you are touched, your space, what you eat, your personal space, and when you need to make resting your body your priority.

What Are Emotional Boundaries?

Emotional boundaries focus more on the limits as to how much you should be sharing withothers. Think about the closeness you have with a specific person, whether you will allow yourself to emotionally connect with them as they share their private experiences, or the other way around. 

You must also learn how to set the limit as to how much you truly want to share with people and when.

What Are Time Boundaries?

These are boundaries that you set for yourself. From what you should be doing, how you should be spending your time, and to whom you should give time to.

For example, your boss demands much of your time asking about work and it’s the weekend; you wouldn’t want to allow yourself to cater these calls outside of the work schedule, right?

What Are Sexual Boundaries?

These boundaries typically mean setting some limits as to when, how, where, or even regarding the frequency of how it should be done with your partner. It is important for you and your partner to respect each other’s space and comfort regarding sexual intimacy.

For example, if your partner wants display PDA but you’re not comfortable with it, that’s likely a good time to set some boundaries and ask for what you need. 

What Are Intellectual Boundaries?

These boundaries are the kind which are relevant to your thoughts and ideas. It talks about your reaction in relation to your thoughts or ideas being dismissed by others, how you reach out to others, and determining when it is appropriate to discuss something with others. 

For example, people are encouraging the team to discuss ideas yet seem to mostly dismiss all the ones you’ve brought up. You can set an internal boundary to not take things personally or it may even be appropriate to reflect to your team what you’ve noticed.

What Are Material Boundaries?

These boundaries refer to your personal belongings and whether you permit people to use them. It’s not all the time that we should allow our friends, workmates, and even our family to borrow our personal belongings without permission.

For example: You took a week-long vacation and when you returned to work your mouse pad was missing because a close colleague of yours took it without permission. Your colleague borrowed your mousepad, thinking you were fine with it since you are close and talk often, but this bothered you. 

Now, you establish the boundary by telling your colleague that the next time he needs something while you’re not in the office, to ask for permission, each time. 

How to Effectively Set Boundaries

Saying “No.”

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No is a complete sentence. It is a one-word sentence powerful enough to let its receiver understand how you want to be respected, your level of closeness or trust in them, and by saying no, you also tell other people the limits on how they can be allowed access to through touch, thoughts, emotions, and spiritual beliefs.

Openly Communicate

Not everyone is on the same mental or emotional wavelength as you. In addition, not everyone is gifted like empaths, who can easily understand how you are feeling without asking for much information. 

So, if you want your needs to be met, it is best to openly communicate the limits to the people you are conversing with to establish that boundary. If you don’t communicate this with them, this might become troublesome on your part as you’ll be the one who’s emotionally, physically, spiritually, or even mentally drained.